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America's Cup for Idiots: A Field Guide to Yachting Fans

Who’s who down by the docks.

The Kiwi Krazy
(1 of 4)

The Super Yachters
(2 of 4)

The Sausalito Salty Dog
(3 of 4)

The Curious Giants Fan
(4 of 4)

THE KIWI KRAZY
Defining Characteristics:
Having traveled all the way from the southern hemisphere, the Kiwi Krazy (similar in appearance and affect to the Swedish Super-Fan and the Italian Zealot) is most easily distinguished from the local fan by a tendency to know and care about international sailing at least a little bit.
Likely Overheard Saying:
“Goodonyaboys!” “She’s going full tit now!” or something equally unintelligible.

THE SUPER YACHTERS
Defining Characteristics:
Boat shoes, aviators, ample deployment of the Ralph Lauren crest. While the rabble enjoy the races ashore, the Super Yachters can be spotted aboard their eponymous ships, moored within the luxury yacht village on the southeast side of Pier 27.
Likely Overheard Saying:
Nothing. There will be no hoi polloi within earshot.

THE SAUSALITO SALTY DOG
Defining Characteristics:
A lifelong student of the sea, this windburned skipper can be found begrudgingly watching the race while cursing Larry Ellison for adulterating an ancient sport. He’ll also be seen glaring at the poseurs, interlopers, and fair-weather fans who have taken all the good seats.
Likely Overheard Saying:
“I was tying bowlines before you could tie your shoelaces, boy-o!”

THE CURIOUS GIANTS FAN
Defining Characteristics:
By far the most common type of America’s Cup fan, the CGF is drawn to the waterfront by the sounds of cheering crowds, the smell of cold beer, and the basic understanding that these boats go very fast and periodically crash.
Likely Overheard Saying:
“What’s our team called again?” Followed by the familiar singsong “Let’s go, Oracle!”

 

Read More America's Cup

How To Stop Worrying and Learn to Love the America's Cup
The Year in Fail 
America's Cup Magnate or James Bond Villain?
A Field Guide to Fans
Ask a Bookie

An Abbreviated History of Cheats
Pier vs. Couch

The Fair-Weather Fan's Racing Calendar
Will Larry Ellison Actually Be Sailing?

What Happens If There's No Water?
Which Team Should You Root For?

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