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Who Is @FAKEGRIMLOCK?

Jesse Draper of The Valley Girl Show goes one-on-one with the startup world’s favorite advice-dispensing dinosaur robot. 

Her Jesse Draper

Him FAKEGRIMLOCK

If, every time you had something to say, you used Tarzan-style grammar and typed in ALL CAPS, you’d be hard pressed to find a friend on Snapchat, much less garner the attention of Silicon Valley’s elite. That is, unless you happened to be the irrepressible @FAKEGRIMLOCK, whose Twitter account now clocks in at over 11,000 followers, including some of the biggest and most powerful names in technology and business. If you are that FAKEGRIMLOCK (whose website is here), you can raise $10,000 in under two hours for your book project on Kickstarter, write guest posts for Eric Reis’ Lean Startup blog, and get speaking engagements at TechStars’ Foundercon, South by Southwest, and TEDxPeachtree. So is FAKEGRIMLOCK—and the half-serious, half-satirical startup advice he doles out—worthy of the hype? Recently I caught up with this elusive tech dino over email to find out more about his diet (beer, bacon, and humans), his attitude toward female executives (he’s all for them), and the future of tech (3D printing, duh).

So, who are you?
MOST AWESOME ROBOT STARTUP DINOSAUR IN ENTIRE UNIVERSE. PROBABLY IN OTHER UNIVERSES TOO.

Why does FAKEGRIMLOCK do what FAKEGRIMLOCK does? What motivates FAKEGRIMLOCK?
ME AROUND STARTUP AND TECH SCENE LONG TIME. ME THINK IT BEST HOPE FOR MOVE WORLD. MOST PEOPLE IN IT MOVE NOTHING. ME HERE TO HELP THEM LESS SUCK, MORE MOVE. UNTIL ALL ARE AWESOME.

Tell me about caps lock.
IT KEY ON KEYBOARD. IT FOR WIMPS. ME NO WIMP! ME HARD CORE. USE SHIFT KEY.

Who does FAKEGRIMLOCK admire in business and technology?
FRED WILSON, BECAUSE HIM UNDERSTAND TECH NEED SOUL. BRAD FELD, BECAUSE HIM BURN TO MOVE WORLD FORWARD. ERIC RIES, BECAUSE HIM SEE TRUTH BEYOND NOW. STEVE, BECAUSE HIM WAS STEVE.

Do you think it's important for people outside of techy nerd-dom to know about FAKEGRIMLOCK and hear the FAKEGRIMLOCK message? If so, what would you like to tell them?
ME GIANT ROBOT DINOSAUR! IT OK FOR TECH NERDS. FOR THEM, ME, FAKEGRIMLOCK, ONLY A 7 ON RIDICULOUSNESS SCALE. MUCH LOWER THAN DALEKS, SUMMERS FAMILY TREE, OR GELATINOUS CUBE. YOU NOT NERD? ME SAY GOOD. YOU ABOUT TO BECOME AWESOME! OR DINNER.

You’re about to become an author. How much did you raise on Kickstarter for your book?
1,131 HUMANS COME TOGETHER TO RAISE $73,860 FOR BOOK. THAT LOTS BETTER THAN USUAL WAY TO MAKE BOOK. IT SHIP IN MONTH OR TWO, WHENEVER ME FINISH EVERYTHING. UNTIL THEN, ME SET UP PAGE FOR PEOPLE TO GET IN ON AWESOMENESS IF MISS KICKSTARTER.

You once tweeted: “WHEN HIRE CORE TEAM, HIRE BATMAN. BEST BATMAN OFTEN WOMAN. GENDER MATTER ZERO COMPARED TO BEING AWESOME.” What advice do you have for women in startups and technology?
FG: ME HAVE SIMPLE ADVICE. FOCUS ON OWN SKILLS AND TALENT. FIND PEOPLE THAT RECOGNIZE THEM. CHANGE WORLD WITH THOSE PEOPLE. EVERYONE ELSE? IGNORE OR DESTROY.

We're hearing the word "disrupt" a lot lately, and perhaps it's being overused. Is there a company or service that you think is truly disruptive?
US IN CONSOLIDATION PHASE OF INTERNET AND MOBILE REVOLUTION. THAT WHY IT KIND OF BORING NOW. NEXT DISRUPTION 3D PRINTING. NOT PLASTIC PONIES ON ETSY, ME MEAN REAL STUFF LIKE PRINT CIRCUITS, FOOD, BODY PARTS. WHEN ANYONE CAN PRINT COMPUTER, ARM, AND BACON, THINGS GO BOOM.

Beer, bacon, and humans seem like a pretty rich diet. Does FAKEGRIMLOCK exercise?
ME DO 100 REPS OF BEING AWESOME, 20 POWERLIFTS OF MASSIVE RESPONSIBILITY, AND 1 MOVE THE WORLD EVERY DAY.

Do you think FAKEGRIMLOCK would ever run for office?
NO. ME IMAGINARY CHARACTER THAT ONLY EXIST ON INTERNET. THAT WAY TOO AUTHENTIC FOR POLITICS.

Does FAKEGRIMLOCK ever experience doubt? Do you ever worry your plan to disseminate truth won't work? What then?
WHAT POINT OF DOUBT? BE LEAN! EVERYTHING JUST EXPERIMENT. IF FAIL, LEARN, ITERATE, TRY AGAIN. THAT WAY TO LIVE WHOLE LIFE, NOT JUST STARTUP PART. IF NO ONE WANT WHAT ME, FAKEGRIMLOCK COOKING, THAT FINE. ME DO BECAUSE WANT TO. SOME DAY NOT WANT TO? ME STOP. IF BETWEEN EVEN ONE PERSON BENEFIT, THAT BONUS.

 

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