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Your Bay Area Guide to the End of the World

The world is ending on Friday, according to the ancient Mayan calendar. Not to fear, Bay Areans—we have you covered. Nobody knows for sure how the apocalypse will go down, so we have listed five plausible end-of-world scenarios alongside recommendations of where to be when you listen to your final song, eat your final meal, and drink your final beverage. 

Scenario 1: BELLA particle accelerator creates black hole in Berkeley

Where to be: Definitely not in Berkeley! Be on the Golden Gate Bridge, taking in that breathtaking view of the city and the hills one last time before it sucks you in. With the metal strength of the Golden Gate, you might even get a few more seconds of existence than most.

Last song: Take your pick: Supermassive Black Hole or Time is Running Out, both by Muse.

Last meal: Go to the Presidio Social Club and get one last delicious burger, or a helping of SF's classic delicacy, Dungeness crab.

Last drink: Splurge! It's your last drink anyway; might as well make it a good one. Grab a cocktail from Top of the Mark, find a chair near the window, and scope out the best part of the bridge to take in the show from when you're finished.

 

Scenario 2: Planet X, a.k.a. "Nibiru," crashes into Earth like a very large comet

Where to be: Point Reyes National Park Shoreline so you can see for miles. Chances are, you’re still going down when the collision occurs, but at least you’ll get to see that rogue planet streaking through the atmosphere as your last sight.

Last song: Yours Truly by ELO.

Last meal: One last plate of oysters from Point Reyes-farming Drakes Bay Oyster Company, whose contract extension request has been rejected. Good luck enforcing that rejection when Earth is obliterated, National Park Service.

Last drink: Snag a relaxing glass of wine at Osteria Stellina before the hectic collision.

 

Scenario 3: Magnetic field reversal causes the world to implode on itself

Where to be: No doubt about it: be on Grizzly Peak above the Caldecott Tunnel. If there has ever been an opportunity to witness the last scene in Fight Club in front of your very eyes, this is it. Watch as Oakland, San Francisco, Berkeley and Marin crumble into the Bay.

Last song: Where is my Mind by The Pixies. Obviously.

Last meal: On your way to Grizzly Peak, get that final, delicious handful of In-N-Out burger to devour from your car atop the hills.

Last drink: You used to bring a six-pack of your parents' beer up in here in high school, so why not go out with a little nostalgia? I recommend Anchor Steam or Lagunitas to throw a San Francisco tribute into the mix.

 

Scenario 4: Alien invasion

Where to be: Baker Beach, for your only chance at survival. Shielded from the bustling metropolis of San Francisco that the extra terrestrials are sure to attack first, you will win extra time to try and find a legitimate cover from the attack. If you’re lucky enough to find a cave or cliff under-hang in the rocks, you might just survive a la I Am Legend.

Last song: Have some fun with it - Crank The Darkest Day, composed by David Arnold for one of the greatest cheesy movies of our lifetime, harbinger of doom, Independence Day.

Last meal: Hit up Pizzetta 211, five minutes down the road, for a delicious pizza; everyone's final meal of choice. Hopefully they make a one-time apocalyptic exception for their cash only policy though.

Last drink: Play a friendly game of pool or ping-pong and buy a round for your friends at Tee Off Bar and Grill, just up the hill from the beach.

 

Scenario 5: Mayan calendar is right – time restarts, instability sets off a series of natural disasters

Where to be: On top of Mount Tamalpais, assuming it doesn’t produce a volcanic eruption. If it’s a clear day, you get up high enough to see a great view of San Francisco, just in time for earthquakes, tsunamis, hurricanes, tornadoes and fires to break out en masse. What a potentially haunting, beautiful final vision.

Last song: It's the End of the World by R.E.M.

Last meal: For just $38 a pop (not that money will matter anymore), you can enjoy breathtaking sunsets at the Mountain Home Inn by Mt. Tam, while scarfing down a three-course prix fixe next to the fireplace, featuring delicious options such as seafood paella and molten chocolate cake.

Last drink: Try something you've always wanted to, but had no motivation for. A flaming shot? Bubble-gum flavored vodka? It's your last chance, so grab a flask, hike to the top, and wash it all down.

 

Let us know what you think by following and tweeting @sanfranmag – What are your plans for the end of the world?

 

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